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Product Warning

03.01.09

"Warning:
This product attracts every other piece of matter in the universe,
including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional
to the product of the masses, and inversely proportional to the distance
between them.

Handle with extreme care:
The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million
tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.

Caution:
This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at
velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour.

Consumer notice:
Because of Heisenbergs' patented "uncertainty principle", it is
impossible for the consumer to find out at the same time both precisely
where the product is and how fast it is moving."
 

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